- Are you looking for strategies to add tension to your family relationships?
- Is your teenager way too compliant and calm?
- Would you like your teenager to develop more defiance and hostility?
Well, you have come to the right place!
As you read this post you may see yourself in a few of these examples. That’s OK because you are not alone in having those moments where you lose your cool and you regret your words or actions.
You may act out of line because your teenager pushes your buttons relentlessly and then you, understandably reach your breaking point.
Note: As you read make a mental note about one or two things that you know you could work on that would improve your relationship with your son.
Without further ado, here are 4 ways to create a defiant and angry teenager. (Reminder: this is all obviously tongue in cheek!)
1. Demand, warn, threaten and give orders
Teenagers need clear direction and they benefit from excessive use of force. The theme with all of these tips is that your son does not know what is good for him. He will make wrong decisions whenever you give him too much freedom. He needs you to forcefully control and direct his life. If you need to make unreasonable demands and angry threats that is completely justified. You are the parent and you are in charge. He won’t like it, but his feelings are not important.
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2. Give advice, argue and persuade with logic
Whenever possible do not give your son a chance to speak. He needs to hear your advice and your sound logic. Remember, you were once a dumb teenager, but now you are a successful adult and it is your job to make your teenager think like you do. Of course he will argue and push back against your logic. Engage him full force and overpower him whenever necessary. Raise your voice, interrupt him and remind him that he has no clue about what he is talking about. Monologues and lectures are your friend.
3. Judge, blame and moralize
The truth is that your son does not really know right from wrong. He is surrounded by a negative peer culture and media influences that are seriously misguided. It is your job to instill your values and squash anything that does not line up with the way you see the world. Whatever the parent experts have told you is wrong! You are justified in being judgmental and he needs to know when he is blowing it. Parents these days have gone soft, listening to their kids feelings and focusing on empowerment and independence. The definition of moralize is to comment on issues of right and wrong, typically with an unfounded air of superiority. That is exactly what you need to do. Again, you will get a harsh wind of defiance from your teenager, but that is just a sign that you are headed in the right direction.
4. Be the expert and discount his input
Teenagers want to be told what to do and how to live their lives. They are largely incapable of making their own decisions and let’s be honest they really have minimal life experience. You have been on the planet much longer, you have learned from your mistakes and you should take every opportunity to share your wisdom and disregard his opinions. Your son needs you to be the expert and dictate the course and direction of his life. He may yell at you and say that you are full of crap, but he will thank you later.
I hope that as you read this you were able to get a laugh and maybe identify one or two things that you want to focus on eliminating from your bag of tricks. Parenting teenagers is a serious growth process and it is not for the faint of heart. As long as you stay committed to loving your teenager and working on your own issues you will both turn out just fine.